Once upon a midnight dreary

First things first.

IT'S ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS OUTSIDE. Everything's covered in a fine layer of white. Except. The snow's so fucking deep that I can't go outside because, well, I don't own snowshoes.

Anyways, for the topic of the day: I'm now officially an insomniac.

Recently (i.e. after exam season) I've started a trend of staying awake until around 6 in the morning (cs:s sessions, anime/manga marathoning, etc.) and then waking up sometime later in the evening. It's gotten to the degree that I'd forego sleep for a day because, well, it's already too bright outside for me to fall asleep. And it's winter time now.

I've learned several things during this time:

1. It gets rather lonely at night, mainly because there's nobody online (baaawwww).
2. You can never have too much coffee.
3. Gaming skill is apparently not affected by degree of wakefulness >.>
4. Girls with yaoi complexes can be scary things, indeed.
5. IRC Mafia is even more messed up than its real-life counterpart.
5.5. Spreading AIDS can be fun.
6. 2D is awesome.

Needless to say I'm oftentimes not-quite-here during the time when most people are most active. Sorry for the Rock Band suckage guys...now you know.

(Incidentally, someone broke the drum pedals yesterday, har har.)

I bought Left 4 Dead a week ago, and I must say it's the most fun I've had in a multiplayer, perhaps to date. Playing as the survivors isn't much fun though; in that regard it's much the same as any other shooter out there: enemies come, point and click, move on (although I must say the AI is superb and the graphics are pretty). What's REALLY awesome is playing as the special Infected. You lurk in the darkness/corner/rooftop and wait as an unsuspecting Survivor runs past. Online griefing at its best.

There is one character that ilicits some unintended comedy though. Zoey the cute, Chuck Taylor-wearing college chick. One has to wonder about her sleeping arrangements, trapped in "safe rooms" with three other men. Anyhow, there is a new rule in place: Zoey MUST NOT BE ALLOWED TO DIE during games, as she is the last hope of mankind. Which leads to some hilarious situations, as the special Infected almost invariably target her during versus games, leading to exclamations of genuine grief and rage.

One last thing. Christmas is almost here! And it seems like we'll get one with snow, for once.

For those of you lacking fe/male comfort this holiday season: string up some mistletoe on a streetlamp, and lie in wait (should be easy with all this snow around). Then when an unsuspecting passerby passes by...you spring your trap. Flawless victory!

p.s. Santa Claus is a fucking pedo, seriously. I mean, why else would he know where ALL THE KIDS IN THE WORLD live, as well as a list of who's been NAUGHTY OR NICE? Definitely suspicious. The FBI should keep him on the watchlist. That is all.

Dericious Grape Fravour~

So, I have it on good authority that boinking a vampire feels kinda like schliking a popsicle.

What say you, Twilight fans?

Oh, you

Working for a scanlation group does have its hazards, I suppose.

We miss you, moo.

I have a confession to make. I used to play Counter-Strike: Source religiously. I'm somewhat ashamed of that fact, but it's true.

And there was one server that I'd always play on. NG's 24/7 Office Hideout. Mainly because the playerbase was relatively mature and I had decent ping on the server. I played enough that I'd hover around the 250th place mark, so naturally I got to know a couple of the regulars by name.

One of them was moo.

I logged on for the first time in two weeks today, and the first thing that I see is that moo had died a couple of days ago while on duty in Iraq.

It's rather different when someone you know through online channels die. It feels almost...less real than any other death. You keep expecting to seem them magically pop up. But that is surely not going to happen.

RIP, mate.

"No! Don't put it there!"

So I was on my way home on the Skytrain today, listening to Berlin's "Take My Breath Away", and watching the clouds go by. At that moment in time, all was good in my world. The guy sitting next to me didn't smell too bad, my exam was still 22 hours away, and there was a cute girl sitting two rows to the front and one row to the left for me to ogle at. BUT THEN. I see it. A travesty most foul, occurring right in front of my eyes. It was...


Time and the Earth stood still. I was flabbergasted. What the heck is this guy trying to pull? Is he trying to...I don't even want to describe it, otherwise I'd have to change the content rating for this blog. His pelvis was literally ten centimeters from the girl's face. The girl had her legs wrapped around his legs and he was bending over and oh God I can't continue this.

Message to all you budding exhibitionalist porn stars out there: please don't do this on a fast moving train. After all, if it comes to a sudden stop, inertia may cause certain...stuff...to fly in my direction. So please. Backyard or something, please.

It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's...

CHUN LI!!!!!!11



Her thighs aren't quite large enough though. So as of now she's somewhat of a...mini-Chun Li. Needs some more of this and this, methinks.

Sex and love's not real when it's from you (Part II)

This isn't really a real sequel to Part I, but it happened yesterday and it's got some rather amusing imagery. But first, some background info on the text (IRC logs, incoming).

A couple of guys and a girl were talking about dating. Specifically, how to ask a girl out.

Mochi: my brother is baking a cake for the girl he likes
aqua: that's sweet
quincy: i wrote a poem for the girl i liked :x
be0wulf: quincy, you pansy. girls don't take after poems any longer. you just call them up and be like.."hey i like you, wanna go for a movie sometime?"
quincy: well, she told me to write it, so i did
aqua: i think writing a poem is better than making a mixtape

So naturally the discussion turned to poems and their merits.

quincy: be0wulf, i guarantee if you wrote a sestina about a girl, she'll go on a date with you, if you're smooth about it
Mochi: wet meadows
quincy: wet meadows sound dirty
Masao: wet meadows sound kinky

And the conversation quickly loses its initial innocent intentions.

xenosagafreak: slick meadows
xenosagafreak: slippery meadows
quincy: moist meadows
be0wulf: tasty juicy meadows, dripping with...juices
be0wulf: wait, are we still talking about grass?
Masao: if there's grass on the field play ball
Masao: even if there isn't, play ball then too

I think its safe to say that meadows have now become a metaphor for...something. However:

quincy: grassy hills
be0wulf: HAHA QUINCY LIKES GRASSY HILLS
be0wulf: meadows = metaphor for _______
be0wulf: hills = metaphor for _______
aqua: be0wulf we get it we don't care hairy breasts or not

He attempts to save himself.

quincy: i'm talking about the mons veneris
quincy: know your female anatomy
be0wulf: okay whatever
be0wulf: you can go have your grassy hills

Lesson to be learned today: IRC is a dangerous place. We'll take what you think you know, twist it into something unrecognizable, and will still manage to turn that into something erotic. You have been warned.

p.s. this actually isn't the one i was planning on releasing this week, but it was just so funny i couldn't help myself. i've got two more entries lined up (one's part III of this series, one's a surprise) for this week and next, so look forward to it.

Cheer up, emo kid~

You know what's wrong with emo/scene people? Their styles of dress are so androgynous that sometimes it's impossible to tell if one is male or female. I mean, both genders, when emo, dress in tight jeans, tight sweaters, and Chuck Taylors. Then there's the haircut. The Emo Fringe can either signify a female with short hair or a male with long hair.

Take today for example. I was on the bus and this...thing...gets on.

Semi-long emo fringe: check.
Lack of facial hair: check.
Tight jeans. Tight sweater. Chuck Taylors: check, check, and check.

So s/he sits down and I'm just staring at him/her, trying to place a gender on the kid. It was a fairly interesting 10 minutes until s/he got off at Granville street.

As s/he was getting off, I noticed that his/her backpack strap was pink.

Score?

LIFE EXTENDING AGENTS FOR ALL!!!

Apparently it's an rpg, and Aurica is a sick little girl who requires "life extending agents" in order to survive. She's also underage. So if you find this arousing, you're a sickfuck.

lul, jam it all the way in.

Diabetes Awareness Day...

...is what they should rename Halloween as. I don't think I want to look a Kit-Kat bar in the face ever again, in my life.

Incidentally, drive-thru windows are too complicated.

And also, somebody fails at setting up fireworks >.>

You're a freak...just like me.

First off. Asphyxiation, no. Sodomy, yes. And if you believe otherwise, you're a freak. What a strange world we live in.

I've come to the conclusion that many people go to the art gallery solely for the benefit of being able to tell their friends that they'd "gone to the art gallery". On a recent trip to the Vancouver Art Gallery, I overheard several middle-aged women discussing a TV show. In an art gallery. Discussing a TV show. That's almost like displaying the swastika in a synagogue.

On a happier note, I scored two free bags of chips and a chocolate bar from a UBC vending machine yesterday. Someone (or three someones) apparently couldn't figure out how to open the door to get their snack (it was stuck, somehow). So I, being the genius that I am, smashed the door several times with my fists. The door yielded. I had free food.

However, while I was hammering the door, I thought of this. I'm incorrigible.

re: Why so serious? (Lets put a smile on that face)

You know, I'm a fan of the sad-stories-with-happy-endings genre too. Think Oliver Twist, except Nancy doesn't die and she hooks up with Oliver...somehow. Unfortunately, sswhe's are extremely rare. So rare, in fact, that I honestly can't think of one off the top of my head.

Incidentally, I had some tomato juice today. So ronery ;_;

Anyhow, emo is bad. If God exterminated all the emos in this world, it would be a much happier place. However, the razor blade market would collapse, and with it the world economy. Iceland would go bankrupt, and polar bears would become homeless. Then they'd turn to drugs, and there'd be an uproar about the construction of a Safe Injection Site. I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore.

A wild Hitler appears!
Hitler uses Genocide!
It's super-effective!

Why so serious?

I have a confession to make. I think I might be a masochist.

No, that doesn't necessarily mean I have an unnatural attraction to fuzzy pink handcuffs. It just so happens that my tastes in regards to entertainment appear to be contradicting each other.

I'm a sucker for happy endings. Really, I am. Despite the front I put up of being EMO and SCENE I'm actually quite warm and fuzzy inside (hur, hur). So when I watch something, I invariably find myself rooting for the protagonists (and since I'm also a sucker for romantic dramas *gasp* this means I want the protagonists to FALLINLOVE/GETMARRIED/HAVEKIDS).

However, the shows that I end up loving are also invariable EMO BAWFESTS. Saikano. Byousoku 5cm. NHK. Elfen Lied. KgNE. Sola. These shows all have one thing in common. The actors either FUCKUP/DIE/DOESNOTGETTHEGIRL. The fact that I'd been hoping with all my heart that there be a happy ending does not help matters at all. It just makes the SAD EMO ending all the more SAD and EMO. And causes me to obsess over the show for several days. Until I find something else to emo over, after which the cycle continues.

So why do I keep doing it to myself? See: masochism.

In Poetics, Aristotle writes about catharsis, the emotional cleansing or purification of the audience upon the ending of a tragedy. Strange, that. Upon the completion of a tragedy I tend to find myself RAGE-ing at the world at large. Then advertising said tragedy to everyone so that they can all share my grief. Say, maybe I'm a sadist as well as being a masochist.

Incidentally, I seem to have a penchant for liking moeblobs/tsunderes/tragic heroines in general (see: Lucy, coma-girl, Akari). I wonder what my psychologist would have to say to that, eh? Actually, I think I have a feeling what he might say. And I also have a feeling I probably won't like it.

"This is all just Jewish guilt!"

Did you know that YouTube has a new function now? Before posting comments, they can be read to you in a voice that sounds uncannily like the one from the Project Chanology videos, in an effort to combat retarded posters who do not think before they post.

I think I spend a good ten minutes filling in REALLY BAD WORDS just to have them read back to me for shits and giggles. Yea, I'm easily amused.

What's funny is, the Disembodied Voice actually does a fair rendition of my name, which 90% of new people that I meet (and ~30% of my friends) mispronounce on a regular basis. It still mispronounces "loli", though.

WAKARIMASU KA~, part deux

I saw skirt-girl-chan again today, wearing a different colored skirt. Beige it was, I think.

Now excuse me while I go appeal that restraining order.

WAKARIMASU KA~

UBC is full of scary Asian males. Just ask the animu clubbu.

But I digress.

So today I saw a girl wearing a skirt. Nothing special, you say. After all, girls the world over (except in Fundamentalist Islamic countries) wear skirts. But this girl, my friends, shall go down in the annals of history as the one skirt wearer who will change the destiny of mankind.

For this girl was also riding a bicycle.

I'll leave it to you to realize the ramifications of such an act.

p.s. I think I kinda had an o____O face on when I was looking at her 'cuz she stared at me for a second. It was a combination of 1. How could anyone be so stupid and 2. More girls should be like her. Man, I'm such a pervert.

Half-Life Episode 3: France Gets Fucked

Ohshi-

So ummm...crowbars, anyone?

FOB covers MJ's "Beat It"

Pedophilic rock has never been so angsty.

EPIC LOLI RAGE

Note: title has little/nothing to do with this post.

I hate how my friends laugh at me instead of helping me extract my foot when I accidentally get it stuck between two rocks while picking up soap a pot. I don't get enough love :'(

UBC's been going well for me this year, so far. The new agenda is bloody awesome, as it has a picture of a tree (?) on its cover. Oh yea, and the binding doesn't suck ass. I may actually use it, just like I may actually attend all my classes. Cue sarcastic laughter here.

I'm also registered for EOSC 116. For the uninitiated, EOSC is the course code for Earth and Ocean Sciences. And what is EOSC 116 about, and why am I so delirious with joy, you ask? Because it's about DINOSAURS. That's right. You heard it. DINOSAURS. Which other university would have a class as epic as studying fucking DINOSAURS???!? Certainly not SFU, ha ha.

And you can bet yer ass I'm bringing plastic Jurassic Park velociraptor models to the first class.

In a totally unrelated note, a Kingsway Sushi staff apparently plays Half-Life 2. How do I know? Take a look at this:

Now take a look at this:

See the similarity there? I bet there's a sushi maker out there somewhere, wondering how he'd integrate a Vortigaunt into a spicy tuna cone.

p.s. What sort of sick pervert would come up with erotic fanfiction for Jurassic Park? All my precious childhood memories of the movie have been sullied, thanks to someone's story of raptor on raptor...God, I can't even finish this. I hope he gets run over by a school bus full of six-year-olds.

Unintentional Emo!

This just in! It's an incredibly retarded idea to "snowboard" down a hill on a piece of cardboard when there are rocks scattered throughout.

I wasn't drunk, by the way. And now my hands have little patches of skin missing, and my right pinky knuckle is swollen. So emo ;_;

Camping was pretty awesome though. Hide and seek in the dark, mafia (in which I died first almost every round), singing Hannah Montana, "pelican soup" and other happy stories, jumping/falling in the river, cross-cultural misunderstandings ("Hey Caucasian-boy! Come here!"; returning to civilization was somewhat of a drag after that.

On a side note, be careful what you wish for. You might not like it after you get it.

On a totally unrelated note:

[23:35:29] <@be0wulf> btw, what happened to jyuu?
[23:35:32] <@be0wulf> he's usually on now
[23:35:33] <@Jyuu> wow
[23:35:35] <@Jyuu> arenas
[23:35:36] <@be0wulf> along with deuce
[23:35:37] <@Jyuu> 2 mins
[23:35:39] <@be0wulf> ........
[23:36:02] <@vphamv> he re activated his WoW account
[23:36:06] <@vphamv> nuff said
[23:36:34] <@be0wulf> ahhhhhh
[23:36:36] <@be0wulf> i see
[23:36:40] <@be0wulf> wow
[23:36:45] <@be0wulf> whenever i say "i see"
[23:36:51] <@be0wulf> i keep thinking of anime
[23:36:54] <@be0wulf> dunno why
[23:37:10] <@vphamv> weirdo
[23:37:15] <@be0wulf> you know how like
[23:37:28] <@vphamv> ?
[23:37:29] <@be0wulf> sometimes the girl likes a guy
[23:37:35] <@be0wulf> and kinda hints at it
[23:37:41] <@be0wulf> but finds out the guy likes another girl
[23:37:43] <@be0wulf> and she goes
[23:37:45] <@be0wulf> "soka"
[23:37:46] <@be0wulf> or whatever
[23:37:48] <@be0wulf> lol
[23:37:51] <@be0wulf> wow i'm weird
[23:38:00] <@vphamv> ...
[23:38:10] <@vphamv> too much manga and animu me thinks
[23:38:16] <@be0wulf> you know what i'm talking about right?!?
[23:38:56] <@vphamv> yes yes be0
[23:39:06] <@vphamv> but you're still weird
[23:39:08] <@vphamv> =P
[23:39:34] <@be0wulf> ^.^
...
[23:43:05] <@be0wulf> i was watching
[23:43:08] <@be0wulf> 5cmps
[23:43:10] <@be0wulf> in my tent
[23:43:12] <@be0wulf> at night
[23:43:17] <@be0wulf> yesterday
[23:43:18] <@be0wulf> ;_;
[23:43:23] <@vphamv> whyz....
[23:43:26] <@be0wulf> dunno
[23:43:28] <@be0wulf> i only had
[23:43:36] <@vphamv> though ironically i was doing that on saturday. x.x
[23:43:38] <@be0wulf> haruhi, kgne, 5cm, and transformers on my ipod
[23:43:48] <@vphamv> and cowboy bebop last 3 episodes. x.x
[23:43:50] <@be0wulf> need to convert voices and place promised
[23:43:53] <@be0wulf> ;_;
[23:44:35] <@vphamv> eh
[23:44:39] <@vphamv> that was alright imo
[23:44:40] <@vphamv> not great
[23:44:57] <@be0wulf> i don't have anything else
[23:45:04] <@be0wulf> drill animu would take forever to convert
[23:45:09] <@be0wulf> and i don'tfeel like watching sola or ef
[23:45:24] <@vphamv> lol
[23:45:34] <@vphamv> gunbusters 2 imo
[23:45:36] <@be0wulf> bleh
[23:45:39] <@vphamv> 6 episodes
[23:45:43] <@be0wulf> shinkai needs to get his ass in gear
[23:47:10] <@vphamv> he's in europe
[23:47:23] <@vphamv> wonder if it'll be an old type movie
[23:47:34] <@vphamv> like the 1960's ish stuff
[23:48:17] <@be0wulf> well
[23:48:20] <@be0wulf> just as long as
[23:48:23] <@be0wulf> THERE ARE NO FUCKING TRAINS

That's all, folks. 'Til next time.

"You've got to be kidding..."

"...you're telling me that there's no bbt place in the entire city?!?"

Day one of my short break from a certain non-profit organization was rather uneventful. We did drive around the city a bit, and I think we saw maybe...two restaurants with Chinese characters on their signs. Which is rather depressing. Makes me miss Vancouver already.

The motel that wee're staying at is pretty neat. Actually, that's a lie. the air conditioning unit is missing one of the dials, so you have to unscrew the top dial in order to work the bottom dial. The TV has maybe twenty channels, and the washroom is smaller than my closet. I'm writing this on the complimentary computer in the lobby, generously equipped with Windows 2000 and "high speed internet". On a side note, I am prone to exaggerration.

Other than that, there's not much to report. One nice thing about Victoria though: Snapple Iced Tea is ridiculously cheap here.

p.s. I miss my Strawberry smoothies =[

"So...uhhh...how do I turn it on?"

Let me tell you, I was sorely tempted to make a p0n0s joke. But that would have been naughty. Oh so very naughty. So I resisted. Aren't you proud?



Me: "Okay, one more thing, guys. Before you light the stove, you have to say "attention, I'm lighting the stove." So that people around you would know. Lets try it out, everyone.

Bronze: (muttering) "Attention I'm lighting the stove."

Me: "No! Louder! Let's try this again. ATTENTION I'M LIGHTING THE STOVE!"

On a side note, sunglasses are awesome. Because with them on, people DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU'RE LOOKING. That's right, boy. Think I'm not looking at you listening to your iPod? THINK AGAIN!

That's right. Big Brother is watching. Bitch.

re: what xsf wants

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAH.

I literally lol'd.

"Lying is the most fun a girl can have...

...without taking her clothes off, but it's better if you do."

What movie is that from? I thought of it because a random P!atD (or rather PatD now) song came on the radio today. But anyhow...

Three words, XSG: ONE WAY FUCKING STREETS!!!!11

Okay, so that's four words. I still haven't forgiven you though (good teamwork with the Halo, we totally need to do that again; giant motherfucking hammer, ftw!).

In other news, I have (had?) reached legal drinking age in Canada. Don't worry though, my liver will be well protected. I'll be sure to take some Pepto Bismol after my daily sessions of binge drinking.

p.s. Thanks for the lamp, guys (my dad thought it was hilarious). It shall find a home on my work desk.

p.p.s. I can be your hero babyyy..

It's a trap!

[02:41:24] <@Dingir-Dante> So...
[02:41:35] <@Dingir-Dante> YOU ARE THE CANCER, ARKUDIOUS.
[02:41:46] <@Arkudious> whatever
[02:42:22] <@Arkudious> just know that I appreciate jun for her personality a lot more than her dick
[02:42:23] <@Dingir-Dante> Yeah
[02:42:24] <@Arkudious> his*
[02:42:39] <@Dingir-Dante> Dude
[02:42:45] <@Arkudious> I'm sorry
[02:42:51] <@Dingir-Dante> Yes, please.
[02:42:54] <@Arkudious> my finger keep typing out her and she
[02:42:59] <@Arkudious> fingers*
[02:43:10] <@Dingir-Dante> He's not a girl.
[02:43:11] <@Dingir-Dante> Mate
[02:43:14] <@Dingir-Dante> that's like saying
[02:43:21] <@Dingir-Dante> You're in love with a gay guy.
[02:43:28] <@Arkudious> see
[02:43:29] <@Dingir-Dante> Even if he looks like a girl
[02:43:30] <@Dingir-Dante> and
[02:43:31] <@Arkudious> see here
[02:43:33] <@Dingir-Dante> behaves like one
[02:43:35] <@Arkudious> my mind knows
[02:43:40] <@Arkudious> but my fingers dont
[02:43:41] <@Dingir-Dante> HE'S NOT A WOMAN YOU MORON
[02:43:53] <@Dingir-Dante> *sigh*
[02:44:15] <@Arkudious> I just got kinda lazy
[02:44:26] <@Arkudious> and don't relete use the backspace key anymore
[02:44:31] <@Arkudious> really*
[02:44:54] <@be0wulf> [02:43:35] <@Arkudious> my mind knows
[02:44:54] <@be0wulf> [02:43:40] <@Arkudious> but my fingers dont
[02:45:01] <@Dingir-Dante> pfft
[02:45:03] <@be0wulf> that can totally be misconstrued
[02:45:04] <@Arkudious> fuck you beo

Go die in a fire

Okay, first things first. I promise I'll post more regularly, now that school's pretty much finished (no, not because a certain someone makes me feel inadequate, har har). With that out of the way...

Why the fuck do people feel the urge to express emotion through their MSN screen name? Here, take a note at this:


Take a closer look at the eighth dude down (yea, it's a dude; emo girls are non-existent, you pervert). "Am I blind or am I a fool? - 1 cut for every day she's not here for me"

Seriously mate. Just...why?

1. The girl's hardly going to change in her feelings for you, just because you're threatening to harm yourself. Unless her name is Jesus.

2. Cutting is bad for you. Seriously. Just ask that guy from My Chemical Romance. Cutting caused him to release the gong show that was The Black Parade.

3. Okay, so maybe cutting is a way in which you express yourself. Sexually. After all, Mr. Trudeau did say something about the government having no business in the nation's bedrooms. But do you really need to tell the world about your sick, sick fantasies of bloody bathtubs and moist razors? I think not.

4. Assuming that the man in question actually means this as a joke, a reflection of the state of today's society, if you will. Then the fact that someone (like me) is making a blog post ridiculing him makes it distinctly unfunny. People are supposed to laugh with you, not at you, amirite?

But I digress.

So why do people often express their moods through their screen names? As we speak, someone is indubitably changing their handle to something along the lines of ...uhhh..."i miss u so much baby, pls come bak 2 me soon otherwise i'll take this knife and slice off my fucking ear".

Okay, so I made that up. But seriously, guys. Expressing your innermost hopes, desires, fears, over the internet? Discounting the fact that communicating via the internet is about as impersonal as one can get, and no one's likely to care anyways, why do people still do it?

Well, once upon a time, whenever I saw someone with anything like a sad face (did you see what I did there?) in their handle, I'd immediately message them and ask them what was wrong. But as it went on, I realized that most of their problems were quite...petty, in the grand scheme of things. (Asian) failed tests, break ups, and the like. Typical teenage drama.

So maybe I'm being a bit of an arrogant douche here, but grow the fuck up, people. The world, believe it or not, revolves around the sun, not you. Regardless of your mark on that Chemistry test, the sun will rise tomorrow, crude oil will still be ridiculously expensive, and George Bush will still be a retard. So suck it up, princess. You may talk about your troubles to someone with a sympathetic ear, but for the love of [insert deity here], don't broadcast your angst through the excessive use of "
Because everytime you do that, God infects a kitten with AIDS.

P.S. Some may think this post is a bit ironic, with the whole me being considered "emo" bit. If you know me well enough, you'll know that I'm not really the...cutter type, so I won't bother explaining about this bit here.

P.P.S. According to Reuters, 100% of males enjoyed, in varying degrees, this movie, whereas 100% of females did not enjoy it. So if you're a guy, watch it. If you're a girl...watch it anyways, then come back and complain to me how much the movie sucked, so I can prove to you that Jay Chou sucks cucumbers.

//edit: Well, I just read over my post again, and I realize that I do, in fact, sound like an arrogant douche. Or well. Yay me. If the game of life had Steam achievements, I've just completed the one for Douchebaggery.

"I've got a bad feeling about this..."

To whom it may concern~

I have a strong sense of justice. My personality is basketball. Marital status: single male.

Thank you for your time.

He loved not wisely but too well

Jyuu took this screenshot of me failing at CounterStrike: Source.


I think I need a girlfriend.

Re: That Tobey Maguire movie

No, it wasn't Suburbia. And it sure as hell wasn't Disturbia.

This was the flick I was talking about:


I watched it in Grade 12 for Philosophy, and I daresay it's a truly excellent flick. Points for references to the book To Kill a Mockingbird.

It's a trap!

So I was at the library, flipping through a new issue of Rolling Stone, when I saw a picture of this person:


My first reaction was that she was pretty hot. Yea, I'm sucker for rocker chicks.

Then I read the caption to the picture.

And I realize that the rocker chick was actually a rocker...dude.

Shit.

Sex and love's not real when it's from you (Part I)

Ahhhh, Spring. That magical time of year when a young man's fancy turns to love. Well, except me it would seem, even though I do fit the above criteria (I'm young and I'm a man, believe it or not). So why then, am I still SINGLE? Why am I not out there, actively looking for a relationship? The answer is simple¹.

It's because 2-dimensional girls are better than their real-life counterparts.

To prove it, I've made a list of the pros and cons of each type of girl.

2-dimensional girls

Pros:

1. They will never cheat on you; after all, you're the only male they'll ever have access to.

2. Interacting with them is like doing a multiple choice test, except there are no wrong answers.

3. Miss your girlfriend? Just load up your game and you're good to go.

4. PMS does not exist.

5. They will never ask for your real-life money.

6. If you get bored of her, your next girlfriend is as close as www.thepiratebay.org.

7. Will have physical features not commonly found in the real world. I'll leave it at that.

8. Screw up the relationship but you want to make up? It's as easy as loading your last save file.

9. They are all scantily clad. No exceptions.

10 You don't have to ask her out. It's already predestined.

Cons:

1. The length of your relationship is dependent upon how fast your play the game. Which is usually around 10 hours.

2. You can't actually cuddle with them. Or kiss them. Or do other adult activities with them.

3. When they talk, it usually sounds like a cross between a chipmunk and a 6-year-old girl.

4. Their love for you is expressed through Times New Roman, size 12.

Real-life girls

Pros:

1. The length of your relationship is dependent upon how many shiny baubles you buy her.
Uhh...that counts as a good thing I suppose.

2. You can cuddle with them as much as you want. And kiss them. And participate in adult activities. Unless you live in Maryland, of course.

3. Most girls don't actually sound like Chris Crocker. Seriously.

4. Their love for you is expressed through...see number 2 above.

Cons:

1. Infidelity has a chance of occurring. So does divorce.

2. Interacting with them is like doing a multiple choice test, except there are no right answers.

3. If you miss your girlfriend, you've actually got to pay money to text her and stuff. Who's got time to do that?

4. Every month, at around a certain time, she will get pissed at you for no good reason. No exceptions.

5. Just count yourself lucky that her birthday doesn't fall between your anniversary and Valentine's Day.

6. If you get bored of her, you'd have to repeat the whole mating dance ritual process all over again. PLUS you have to watch your back, especially if you live in Japan.

7. Physical features are restricted to her genetic material. Turquoise hair is also out of the question.

8. Screw up the relationship and you want to make up? Start with flowers, slowly working your way up to your left pinky on a plate.

9. Unfortunately, societal norms dictate that a certain amount of clothing be worn in our day-to-day lives.

10 The male courtship dance, otherwise known as “asking a girl out”, is often a nerve-wracking and distressing event. Children under the age of 14 or 160cm need not apply.

And there you have it. Undebatable proof that 2-dimensional girls are, indeed, superior to real-life girls. Now excuse me while I load up Hisui-chan.

Kyaaa! Kawaii desu ne?~~

¹No, the answer is not “commitment”. Har har har.

Post-script: This post was inspired both by the following video and by a conversation I had with certain people on IRC. Y'all know who you are.

Post-post-script: Part II, if I ever get around to it, will probably be rated 18A and contain many penis jokes. You have been forewarned.

CARAMELL DANSU!

Those silly Japanese. Whatever will they think of next?

Empathy has its limits

I wonder why certain people hold this belief that the world is inherently a nice place.

It isn't.

Last week, me and my mates were at a bubbletea place, and one of the waitresses dropped a box filled with little somethings. Because the world has laws (in this case, gravity) that oppress us and keep us from being happy individuals, the little somethings scattered across the floor. Nothing major, right? I mean, compared to contracting AIDS or meeting Hilary Clinton in person, this event really isn't all that traumatic. Right? Wrong.

The waitress immediately start crying. And when I say crying, I mean crying.

Okay, so you did it in front of all the customers. Maybe your house burned down that morning, your dog ate your grandmother and died of indigestion, and your boyfriend decided that Hilary Clinton's ass was more appealing than yours. So what. In the grand scheme of things, your little mishap did not matter. Like at all. You're gonna go through life facing a lot more shit (e.g. combustion of shelter, murderous canines, perfidious boyfriends, etc.). If you're going to shed tears over every little injustice you suffer, then you're better off dead. Because really, eternal rest is a far better choice than spending half your paycheque on Kleenex.

So maybe it's my misanthropic nature talking. But really now, crying over spilled little somethings? What would your mother say?

p.s. one of my friend's actually felt like crying after seeing the aforementioned waitress cry. i'm not even gonna go there.

p.p.s. keep in mind that this waitress didn't really look like the damsel in distress type. she had the make-up, the tight jeans, the whole nine yards. she looked like she was serious business. that probably made me want to ridicule her more though, har har har.