"No! Don't put it there!"

So I was on my way home on the Skytrain today, listening to Berlin's "Take My Breath Away", and watching the clouds go by. At that moment in time, all was good in my world. The guy sitting next to me didn't smell too bad, my exam was still 22 hours away, and there was a cute girl sitting two rows to the front and one row to the left for me to ogle at. BUT THEN. I see it. A travesty most foul, occurring right in front of my eyes. It was...


Time and the Earth stood still. I was flabbergasted. What the heck is this guy trying to pull? Is he trying to...I don't even want to describe it, otherwise I'd have to change the content rating for this blog. His pelvis was literally ten centimeters from the girl's face. The girl had her legs wrapped around his legs and he was bending over and oh God I can't continue this.

Message to all you budding exhibitionalist porn stars out there: please don't do this on a fast moving train. After all, if it comes to a sudden stop, inertia may cause certain...stuff...to fly in my direction. So please. Backyard or something, please.