Sex and love's not real when it's from you (Part II)

This isn't really a real sequel to Part I, but it happened yesterday and it's got some rather amusing imagery. But first, some background info on the text (IRC logs, incoming).

A couple of guys and a girl were talking about dating. Specifically, how to ask a girl out.

Mochi: my brother is baking a cake for the girl he likes
aqua: that's sweet
quincy: i wrote a poem for the girl i liked :x
be0wulf: quincy, you pansy. girls don't take after poems any longer. you just call them up and be like.."hey i like you, wanna go for a movie sometime?"
quincy: well, she told me to write it, so i did
aqua: i think writing a poem is better than making a mixtape

So naturally the discussion turned to poems and their merits.

quincy: be0wulf, i guarantee if you wrote a sestina about a girl, she'll go on a date with you, if you're smooth about it
Mochi: wet meadows
quincy: wet meadows sound dirty
Masao: wet meadows sound kinky

And the conversation quickly loses its initial innocent intentions.

xenosagafreak: slick meadows
xenosagafreak: slippery meadows
quincy: moist meadows
be0wulf: tasty juicy meadows, dripping with...juices
be0wulf: wait, are we still talking about grass?
Masao: if there's grass on the field play ball
Masao: even if there isn't, play ball then too

I think its safe to say that meadows have now become a metaphor for...something. However:

quincy: grassy hills
be0wulf: HAHA QUINCY LIKES GRASSY HILLS
be0wulf: meadows = metaphor for _______
be0wulf: hills = metaphor for _______
aqua: be0wulf we get it we don't care hairy breasts or not

He attempts to save himself.

quincy: i'm talking about the mons veneris
quincy: know your female anatomy
be0wulf: okay whatever
be0wulf: you can go have your grassy hills

Lesson to be learned today: IRC is a dangerous place. We'll take what you think you know, twist it into something unrecognizable, and will still manage to turn that into something erotic. You have been warned.

p.s. this actually isn't the one i was planning on releasing this week, but it was just so funny i couldn't help myself. i've got two more entries lined up (one's part III of this series, one's a surprise) for this week and next, so look forward to it.

Cheer up, emo kid~

You know what's wrong with emo/scene people? Their styles of dress are so androgynous that sometimes it's impossible to tell if one is male or female. I mean, both genders, when emo, dress in tight jeans, tight sweaters, and Chuck Taylors. Then there's the haircut. The Emo Fringe can either signify a female with short hair or a male with long hair.

Take today for example. I was on the bus and this...thing...gets on.

Semi-long emo fringe: check.
Lack of facial hair: check.
Tight jeans. Tight sweater. Chuck Taylors: check, check, and check.

So s/he sits down and I'm just staring at him/her, trying to place a gender on the kid. It was a fairly interesting 10 minutes until s/he got off at Granville street.

As s/he was getting off, I noticed that his/her backpack strap was pink.

Score?

LIFE EXTENDING AGENTS FOR ALL!!!

Apparently it's an rpg, and Aurica is a sick little girl who requires "life extending agents" in order to survive. She's also underage. So if you find this arousing, you're a sickfuck.

lul, jam it all the way in.

Diabetes Awareness Day...

...is what they should rename Halloween as. I don't think I want to look a Kit-Kat bar in the face ever again, in my life.

Incidentally, drive-thru windows are too complicated.

And also, somebody fails at setting up fireworks >.>

You're a freak...just like me.

First off. Asphyxiation, no. Sodomy, yes. And if you believe otherwise, you're a freak. What a strange world we live in.

I've come to the conclusion that many people go to the art gallery solely for the benefit of being able to tell their friends that they'd "gone to the art gallery". On a recent trip to the Vancouver Art Gallery, I overheard several middle-aged women discussing a TV show. In an art gallery. Discussing a TV show. That's almost like displaying the swastika in a synagogue.

On a happier note, I scored two free bags of chips and a chocolate bar from a UBC vending machine yesterday. Someone (or three someones) apparently couldn't figure out how to open the door to get their snack (it was stuck, somehow). So I, being the genius that I am, smashed the door several times with my fists. The door yielded. I had free food.

However, while I was hammering the door, I thought of this. I'm incorrigible.

re: Why so serious? (Lets put a smile on that face)

You know, I'm a fan of the sad-stories-with-happy-endings genre too. Think Oliver Twist, except Nancy doesn't die and she hooks up with Oliver...somehow. Unfortunately, sswhe's are extremely rare. So rare, in fact, that I honestly can't think of one off the top of my head.

Incidentally, I had some tomato juice today. So ronery ;_;

Anyhow, emo is bad. If God exterminated all the emos in this world, it would be a much happier place. However, the razor blade market would collapse, and with it the world economy. Iceland would go bankrupt, and polar bears would become homeless. Then they'd turn to drugs, and there'd be an uproar about the construction of a Safe Injection Site. I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore.

A wild Hitler appears!
Hitler uses Genocide!
It's super-effective!

Why so serious?

I have a confession to make. I think I might be a masochist.

No, that doesn't necessarily mean I have an unnatural attraction to fuzzy pink handcuffs. It just so happens that my tastes in regards to entertainment appear to be contradicting each other.

I'm a sucker for happy endings. Really, I am. Despite the front I put up of being EMO and SCENE I'm actually quite warm and fuzzy inside (hur, hur). So when I watch something, I invariably find myself rooting for the protagonists (and since I'm also a sucker for romantic dramas *gasp* this means I want the protagonists to FALLINLOVE/GETMARRIED/HAVEKIDS).

However, the shows that I end up loving are also invariable EMO BAWFESTS. Saikano. Byousoku 5cm. NHK. Elfen Lied. KgNE. Sola. These shows all have one thing in common. The actors either FUCKUP/DIE/DOESNOTGETTHEGIRL. The fact that I'd been hoping with all my heart that there be a happy ending does not help matters at all. It just makes the SAD EMO ending all the more SAD and EMO. And causes me to obsess over the show for several days. Until I find something else to emo over, after which the cycle continues.

So why do I keep doing it to myself? See: masochism.

In Poetics, Aristotle writes about catharsis, the emotional cleansing or purification of the audience upon the ending of a tragedy. Strange, that. Upon the completion of a tragedy I tend to find myself RAGE-ing at the world at large. Then advertising said tragedy to everyone so that they can all share my grief. Say, maybe I'm a sadist as well as being a masochist.

Incidentally, I seem to have a penchant for liking moeblobs/tsunderes/tragic heroines in general (see: Lucy, coma-girl, Akari). I wonder what my psychologist would have to say to that, eh? Actually, I think I have a feeling what he might say. And I also have a feeling I probably won't like it.