How to lose friends and alienate people

You know what one of the worst feelings in the world is? That moment of truth when you realize that someone that you once respected is in fact completely undeserving of that respect.

Six months ago I would never have guessed that my life would get flip-turned upside down into an episode of Gossip (Gothip?) Girl. Six months ago, I would have laughed in your face if you'd even suggested such a thing. But I know better now.

It would appear that certain people just can't seem to keep their tools in their sheaths, so to speak. Lust can drive even the strongest man down a dark path. Just look at that Samson bloke, meets a pretty face and lets her cut off all his hair. But anyway, I digress.

Point is, there are some things that you just don't do to your friends. Hell, it'd probably be a pretty scummy thing to do to a complete stranger. Date a friend's ex two weeks after they break up? Check. Withhold this from everyone due to fear of being found out? Check. Continue comforting said friend even while dating his ex? Check. Decide to hold a "meeting" to talk about "feelings" because word finally leaked out? MOTHERFUCKING CHECK, IT'S ALL ABOARD THE SCUMBAG TRAIN AND THERE'S NO HOLDING BACK.

Now, I have been accused in the past of having a somewhat narrow view on matters such as these (including my parents, I might add; they're awfully libertarian about this sort of thing for a middle-aged Chinese couple). The Bro Code is my Bible, and every night before I sleep I pray to our Heavenly Bro to endow all of his bro-children with Bro-telligence. I've also been accused of investing too much emotion into friends' squabbles. "Your problem," my friend would say, "is that you empathize too much." Better too much than too little, I would say. If Iago had several slivers of empathy, Othello would still be a-moorin'.

All in all, this weekend has turned into somewhat of a...bro-tastrophe, one could say (and goddammit Rebecca Black, this Friday fucking sucked). Lucky for me, I have my friends Molson and Labatt to keep me company.

And as one friend commented on this whole debacle, "it's like Yoko Ono meets the Beatles all over again!" And you know what, he's right. Even the ethnicity is about 50% correct. And hell, if that makes me Ringo Starr...well. That's okay in my books.