How to lose friends and alienate people

You know what one of the worst feelings in the world is? That moment of truth when you realize that someone that you once respected is in fact completely undeserving of that respect.

Six months ago I would never have guessed that my life would get flip-turned upside down into an episode of Gossip (Gothip?) Girl. Six months ago, I would have laughed in your face if you'd even suggested such a thing. But I know better now.

It would appear that certain people just can't seem to keep their tools in their sheaths, so to speak. Lust can drive even the strongest man down a dark path. Just look at that Samson bloke, meets a pretty face and lets her cut off all his hair. But anyway, I digress.

Point is, there are some things that you just don't do to your friends. Hell, it'd probably be a pretty scummy thing to do to a complete stranger. Date a friend's ex two weeks after they break up? Check. Withhold this from everyone due to fear of being found out? Check. Continue comforting said friend even while dating his ex? Check. Decide to hold a "meeting" to talk about "feelings" because word finally leaked out? MOTHERFUCKING CHECK, IT'S ALL ABOARD THE SCUMBAG TRAIN AND THERE'S NO HOLDING BACK.

Now, I have been accused in the past of having a somewhat narrow view on matters such as these (including my parents, I might add; they're awfully libertarian about this sort of thing for a middle-aged Chinese couple). The Bro Code is my Bible, and every night before I sleep I pray to our Heavenly Bro to endow all of his bro-children with Bro-telligence. I've also been accused of investing too much emotion into friends' squabbles. "Your problem," my friend would say, "is that you empathize too much." Better too much than too little, I would say. If Iago had several slivers of empathy, Othello would still be a-moorin'.

All in all, this weekend has turned into somewhat of a...bro-tastrophe, one could say (and goddammit Rebecca Black, this Friday fucking sucked). Lucky for me, I have my friends Molson and Labatt to keep me company.

And as one friend commented on this whole debacle, "it's like Yoko Ono meets the Beatles all over again!" And you know what, he's right. Even the ethnicity is about 50% correct. And hell, if that makes me Ringo Starr...well. That's okay in my books.

LOVE IS IN THE AIR, NOT IN YOUR PANTS, MORON: part 2

You know shit just got serious when I return to blogging after a five month hiatus.

While this lingering feeling of malaise is certainly not new, certain recent events could be interpreted as the straw that broke the camel's back, or so the saying goes. For those who know me well, I am not one who speaks frankly of my true feelings often. Using humour to disengage from an uncomfortable situation is my forté. This talent, I find, has allowed me to navigate through most of my high school and young adult life without much drama.

Thus, it is with much regret and yearning for halcyon days that I now proceed.

The astute reader may have deduced from the title of my post that this post has something to relationships. Or, shall I say, "relationshits". It astounds me how so many people feel that they are somehow...incomplete, as a person, if they do not have a (temporary) companion to share their life with (indeed, some almost feel entitled to one, but more on that later). Invariably, I will be inundated with the laments of my less fortunate friends, usually around mid February.

Shit, son, maybe you ought to take a long hard look at yourself before you start criticizing the fairer sex. It is my sincere belief that if you are not able to be happy alone, then you have no right (nor capacity) to be in a relationship.

Quite frankly, I normally could not care less about other peoples' relationship woes. I will dispense advice if asked but as a rule, I keep my hands clean. Life is easier that way. If you decide to make a fool of yourself in your pursuit of happiness I will consider you a temporary amusement, but will largely refrain from criticism of your actions. It is when, through your ham-fisted attempts at courtship that you create ripples through our group's dynamics that I take offence.

If someone were to ask me, hypothetically, about any deal-breakers I may have in terms of friendship or relationships, they would be as follows:

Selfishness. It may be true that when push comes to shove, we are all selfish people acting in our own self-interest. However, when the cost of reaching your goal comes at the cost of someone else's happiness, that's when I draw the line. I do appreciate the irony when the goal and that someone else are coincidentally the same, but that's a story for another time.

Lack of self-respect. I find it difficult to respect someone who does not respect themself. After all, isn't respect the foundation of any lasting relationship? The only feeling I can conjure up for anyone with no self-respect is pity, a feeling which also applies to gingers and homeless people.

Disloyalty. You really don't need a PhD in Brolosophy to grasp the meaning of loyalty. Don't backstab your friend. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Don't make empty promises. This trait, if anything, is the kryptonite of any successful relationship. If socializing with your friends feels like socializing with the Medicis, there's something very wrong.

Now before someone accuses me of stirring up the hornet's nest, that I'm making things more complicated, that I am behaving mawkishly, that I am in fact guilty of disloyalty myself...I will contend that I am the only one who cares enough or is willing to expose the elephant in the room. One that has, in fact, been in the room for months. I will not deny that this post was incredibly cathartic to write, but I do not speak these words with pleasure. To paraphrase Sophocles, no one loves the messenger who brings bad news. Don't read too deeply into this post either. It is not meant to be an exercise in "six degrees of separation".

As for whether or not I will continue to blog on a regular basis, that remains to be seen. In all honesty, this was one of the first times in recent memory that I've felt strongly enough about an issue that I felt the need to write about it (Dragon Age 2 is another, but that post is still in the works). Several friends of mine have started blogs of their own, so I may be motivated to do more writing in my spare time. We shall see how this story goes.

'Til next time.