DELICIOUS CAKE OM NOM NOM

Or, the cake is a lie ;_;

Anyway I've developed a new scale to measure female attractiveness, as I feel that a numerical scale is too constrictive in calculating something as diverse as physical attraction.

"Pastry Scale of Female Sexual Attractiveness" is a follows, from top (will sell soul to mate with) to bottom (ugly as sin):

Tiramisu - ex. Emma Stone

Chocolate cake - ex. Zooey Deschanel

Sponge Cake - ex. Gemma Arterton (shown on the left; although Daniel Craig's not bad either.)

Cupcake - ex. Miley Cyrus

Pop tart - ex. Post-addiction Lindsay Lohan

Fruit cake - ex. Courtney Love

McDonald's Apple Pie - Oprah (on a good day)

There's a rather steep decline near the end of the scale, and that is this system's greatest flaw. There simply are no pastries that you'd ingest if you were drunk, then regret it the next morning.

I don't really know where I'm going with this. Have a nice day.

p.s. happy birthday Chuu!

The best laid schemes of mice and men...

Today is my birthday.

Happy birthday! I'm no longer a teenager, which makes me sad. What's worse, I'm an adult without a driver's license. Shame on me.

So, on a whim (or maybe it was planned, nobody tells me these things), my friends and I went to Playland today. For those of you who are not from the Lower Mainland, Playland is an amusement park. One of its main attractions is the "flume ride", where visitors sit in simulated logs which run on tracks immersed in water. Essentially, the point is to...well I guess the point is to get wet but everyone makes a show of not getting wet.

Because of physics and the angle at which the logs enter the water at the bottom of the slide, whoever sits in the front of the log would suffer the most (needless to say, the heavier you are, the bigger the spash you'll make, etc.). The discussion regarding who sat where went like this:

Girl 1: Shotty back!
Girl 2: Shotty middle!
Me: ...shit.

So everyone (except me) was happy with the seating arrangements, and we settled down into our seats. Then, disaster struck.

A fat caucasian couple sat down in front of us. As a result, everyone was soaked :/

Later on, during dinner, after the server was informed that it was my birthday, he asks me, totally out of the blue:

Server: Is one of these girls your girlfriend?
Me: *shifty eyes* NO.

Several minutes pass.

Server: So, is your girlfriend not here?
Me: ........I don't have a girlfriend.

Maybe I'm so irresistable that it was unimaginable that I, of all people, would be single.

Oh, and we saw the Japanese Emperor's motorcade after we exited the restaurant. Arigatou gozaimasu~

DEATH TO THE INFIDELS.

...or something like that.

Too much Dawn of War is bad for you. I kept hearing the lines that Space Marine units spout inside my head.

Anyway, so today after class I hung out with lemonade (yes, anthropomorphic citrus drinks are the new thing) at Metrotown. As a result, I learn many new things.

1. At Kingspark Goodfood, one can buy a complete meal with THREE BIG SCOOPS OF RICE for only $6. And for only 75 cents more, you even get a LEMON DRINK.

I am inherently distrustful of Engrish-named stores, so I stuck with my spicy wonton in soup.

2. Macroeconomics online quizzes are more fun when done with a partner. Especially if said partner has no knowledge of economics whatsoever.

3. A fruitless quest for "shoe goo" was had, but not before delicious Tim Horton's iced capp was consumed. I think this list is turning more into a "things we saw" than a "things I learned".

4. On a sudden whim, we visited Games Workshop to check out Warhammer 40k figurines. There, a very enthusiastic salesperson accosted us and told us many interesting things about Space Marines. He could've become a Chaplain, with all his zealotry (For the Emperor!).

5. Apparently girls get a discount on MTG tournament entry fees. Yes, they're that desperate.

6. I have this urge to buy Halo/RE5 (Sheva!!!)/Twilight figurines and mash them together. Especially Sheva and Edward. MmMmMmMMMmmm.

7. Lemonade and I got into a little debate about the merits of Green Day. Well, we're in agreement now, their new album's actually more than half decent.

8. As I was walking home, I saw this middle-aged Southeast Asian woman walking towards me, wearing a pair of tight TNA-esque pants with "Loose Thing" emblazoned across the front. Yes, I kid you not.

On a more somber note, the front page of the Globe and Mail today was about the disappearance of Tori Stafford, late of Woodstock, Ontario. More specifically, the cops have arrested (but not yet Tazored) the two suspects in her case. They also believe that the girl is dead.

Man never ceases to surprise me with his savagery.

Bigger Boys and Stolen Sweethearts...

...or, Chubby Girls and Tighter Levi's :(

Seriously, what's with the fascination with curve-hugging jeans, girls? Yes, I'm looking at you, girl sitting beside me on the bus today. And you too, girl walking in front of me on the way to class.

I mean, if the point is to look desirable to the opposite sex (or the same sex, whatever floats your canoe), I can tell you now, it doesn't work.

Especially when it jiggles.

;_;

"King of kings"

Three things I've learned after watching Watchmen.

1. Humans are inherently evil.

2. It is acceptable to sacrifice the few to save the many (Dickens would not be pleased).

And lastly...

3. Rape is awwwwwwwright, as long as the baby turns out fine.

The end.

Post V-Day Stress Disorder

Ahh spring, the magical time of ye-WAIT NONE OF THAT NOW, WAKE UP.

I still remember in elementary school, when everyone gave everyone V-Day cards. Then as we got older, the number of cards would diminish every year (for me, anyway). At around grade 4, the influx of cards would stop. So ronery ;_;

But anyway, that wasn't the story I wanted to tell today.

A couple of friends and I were walking down to the delicious local Burger King for some post-work dinner (yea, I worked on the 14th), and lo and behold, one of them suddenly exclaims...

Friend 1: Hey guys! There a chick crying in that cafe!
Me: Where? Lets go comfort her!
Friend 1: She probably got dumped by her boyfriend on Valentine's Day.
Friend 2: Maybe it's just because of the economy.
Me: If it was the economy, she should've been crying yesterday.

What interesting friends I have.

In conclusion, the moral of the story is: no matter how lonely and depressed you think you are, there is always, always, someone more lonely and depressed than you. So if you put everything into context, your life ain't that bad afterall.

Cheerio.

16 things I hate about you.

This doesn't really count as a post since it's already been done on Facebook so...just take this as a rehash post-count +1 thing. Anyhow. 16 random facts about me:

1.I have never kissed a girl.

2.Contrary to popular belief, I am not a weeaboo. I merely enjoy spouting random Japanese phrases at inopportune times desu.

3.My dad buys most of my clothes for me. Especially pants. Without him, I'd be pantless.

4.I think music elitists are idiots. That said, THE JONAS BROTHERS FUCKING SUCK.

5.I am not actually “ronery”. I just tend to indulge in the more melancholic aspects of life. Although, I don't think anyone will believe me when I say this.

6.The only book/movie/etc. to make me cry, ever, was Three Comrades by Erich Maria Remarque. Hitler probably read the book and decided that since Jews were so depressing, he'd kill them all.

7.I prefer Pepsi over Coke.

8.I'm so skinny, people frequently mistake me for an anorexic. That said, girls are often jealous of my svelte figure.

9.I love (Asian) horror movies. Problem is, all of my friends are pansies so I never actually get to watch any.

10.I don't think I'm a very interesting person. It's only been 9 points and I'm already running out of things to say about myself.

11.I am not against lolicon. I may not endorse it, but I am also not against it. Take that as you will.

12.My iPod is my best friend. I forget my cellphone, keys, and wallet, but never my iPod.

13.Roulette by System of a Down is my favourite song at this exact moment in time.

14.I browse 4chan, but only /a/, /v/, and sometimes /ck/.

15.Sometimes I surprise even myself with my immaturity.

16.That's what SHE said.



So ronery ;_;

Big Brother is watching

So I was browsing YouTube today and I came across something disturbing.

You know how YouTube has a "Recommended for You" section, where they suggest videos that you may be interested in? I found this gem on that list today:



Do they think I'm a pedophile or something?!? Those girls aren't even legal! I can kinda pictures the FBI monitoring that video, tracing the IP addresses of anyone that watches it. Then showing up at their door. "Sir, we've been informed that you have been watching girls in skimpy skirts dancing on YouTube. Please come with us."

Those girls sure have nice..........................................ears.

"A guru with karreidoscopu eyes"

He sounds like fucking Scooby Doo after a night overindulging in wasabi.

My head hurts...

The title's not supposed to be deep or referencing something. It really does hurt right now.

Anyways, I was talking to a friend and the topic of French came up during the conversation. She asked me to say something in French. I told her that I (almost) failed it in high school. We concluded that I would most probably not be able to survive in France as I would only be able to:

1. Ask to sleep with someone;
2. Ask permission to use the washroom;
3. Tell everyone that the cheese is delicious.

In any case, this is no cause for alarm as I'm not planning a trip to France anytime soon. Those people are only good for making champagne and losing wars.

Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in France?
A: Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

p.s. As a part of my nonexistent New Year's resolutions I've decided to post here on a more regular basis. A decently sized post every Thursday sounds good.

p.p.s. After watching White Album I felt a sudden urge to make this into an anime blog. But...that would require a lot of work and I'm not particularly fond of that. We'll see how it goes.